Adventures in Athens

I debated whether or not the blog this one...but in all honesty, it is probably my favorite college story, or ranks in the top five for sure. It was written down three years ago and I hold it here in my hands after all that time. Before I begin, I ask that any adult reading this remember that the girls who star in this story were wild and free, irresponsible, and out looking for a good time. They lived in the moment, with not a care in the world, and I miss them more than I care to admit! They did not always serve as the best role models, but they were, and still are, quite lovable and USUALLY learn from their mistakes!

After the adventure was over, the girls were riding home from Athens to Auburn in LMM's Lexus SUV and replaying the story over and over. It was simply too funny and too wild to ever forget. They found a pink notepad and they wrote it down. During the last 2 years of college, the pink pages were stuck in a Rolling Stones coffee table book that belonged to Brittany Bain Stegall. I was over at Brittany's Friday night and I noticed she had put up a new bookshelf. I spied the Rolling Stones book, and I thought, "Well, I wonder..." I pulled it from the shelf and opened the cover and there it was. A small pile of pink notebook paper. With shaking hands, I removed the papers and looked at the first page, scrawled in JLT's familiar handwriting...and I went back:

*This story is written verbatim to the original, except where in parenthesis I explain an inside joke. I also realize that this may not be as funny to everyone else as it is to the original 4 involved, but what can you do?

*Names have been initialed to protect the innocent. JLT is the narrator.

November 2005

ADVENTURES IN ATHENS:

4 girls consumed more alcohol than needed as the War Cherokees (What some George fans called Auburn while they were there) were defeating the Crazy George Bulldogs. After the victory was secured the girls celebrated with more alcohol at Walker's Pub. I, JLT, got a piggy back ride outside from the bouncer and also called Robert Crook Will/Jeff. LMM proceeded to "shake it" on the chair with another bourbon/coke. You could say LLM was dancing with "Jim!" KBS was being her usual self-taking shots and roaming around aimlessly in search of one of her many friends. LLS was dancing with LMM with two beers in her hands at all times. Just when we thought our adventure was winding down, we realized we had no way home. Not to be defeated by Athens, LMM and I sent KBS and LLS into the streets to find a respectable person to get us home safely (Home was with a bunch of UGA guys, who at this point, were friends of a friend). KBS saw him and sent LLS to tap on his window and ask for a ride.

AND IT WAS RIDE. A WILD RIDE!

I called shotgun and we took off. We conversed about our careers and LLS played off her suspicions and rummaged through the large bound packages in the back of this car, just to make sure they were not rope, shovels, duct tape, and garbage bags. Good thing they weren't! He said he was from these neck of the woods, but after 15 minutes, he looked up and to his dismay he realized, OH NO!, he was headed to his apartment. At this point, LLS is using highly inappropriate language and demanding that Craterface pull over "RIGHT NOW AND LET US OUT!!" He was nice enough, however, to turn around and drop us off in the empty parking lot of The Varsity.

KBS led us across the street to a gas station, but sadly it was closed. However, there was a wonderful Best Western located next door. All four girls bound through the lobby door with an overwhelming sense of relief that we were away from Craterface, who had by this point been dubbed WILD EYE BILL. LLS discover warm gooey chocolate chip cookies to share, LMM was trying to make sense of where we were and what we were doing, JLT was speaking through tiny holes, borrowing the office phone and yelling back at a crazy woman for spanking us for being so obnoxiously drunk. KBS was tickled and fearless as she plopped down at a table and proceeded to call Andy Fruitloop (aka Andy Friedel) 8,000 times to come rescue us.

Johnathan, aka the receptionist, kicked us 4 lonely tourists out of the lobby due to a noise complaint from a disgruntled GA fan. Oh but the scariest part of it all was...DUHN DUHN DUHN...THE RETURN OF WILD EYE BILL!!!

We had just returned from the broom closet/employee only bathroom when we hear a rat tap tap on the window. We all look up and it is CRAZY BILL. Everyone panicked and retreated while I, JLT, was left to conversate with the crazy man. He only wanted to let us know that he was there to pick up his friend that we hadn't even noticed was sitting in the lobby with us half the time. (WHERE DID SHE EVEN COME FROM?) At this point Johnathon had had enough. JLT told him good bye through the little hole and we headed outside. While outside, two MORE randos come into the picture. It was crazy because it was Boo, fresh out of jail and his friend. ("BOO" was named so due to his similar appearance to a high school acquaintance of ours). We share the prior events of the evening and Boo says "Have no fear, yall can just come back to my apartment behind the hotel." However, this time we were not as naieve. Obviously we were being too loud because we looked up and Johnathan was on his way to dish out the final spanking.

SURPRISE SURPRISE! Boo recognized Johnathan as his neighbor, but pointed out to all that his name was not Johnathan. AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All this time, we though Johnathan was on OUR side---but really he was nothing but a poser, leading a double life. Before things could get any scarier--Andy Fruitloop, dressed in LLS's sweatshirt, and all his NU NU boys pulled into the parking lot. OUR HEROES!! AND they had pizza. Yummy to our tummys!

THE END