Lacey & John Story #6: The Tale of a Snake

John came over to my parents' house one afternoon, in the early days of his courtship.  It was still muggy and hot, much like it is now.  I had gone into the house for some reason, leaving John outside my Dad and brother.  Before I could get back outside, John pushed open the sliding door from the patio, leaned his head and called for me.   He "had something for me."  


I eagerly bounded to the door, thinking it must be a flower or something equally sweet.  John's angelic expression gave nothing away and he had his hands behind his back, hiding what I knew must be a flower, because that would be super romantic.


"Close your eyes," he demanded.


I closed them, smiling all the while, and held my hand out.


John placed something in my hand...but it was not a flower stem.  

It felt...rubbery.  

And...and it was...moving.  Odd, said my brain.


My eyes flew open and in my hand was the body of a garden snake, as John had been kind enough to indeed hold onto the head of the snake.


"AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ................................................................................................................!"  (read as the loudest, most blood curling scream you can imagine)


I ran back inside and quivered and quaked in the corner, pressing a bottle of vodka to my lips to ease the shakes and the stress from nearly being taken out by a 6 inch garden snake.  (not really)  It took awhile after that for John to regain my trust.  I don't think I'll ever play the "hold out your hand with your eyes closed" game ever again.  And I like surprises.


I hate nothing in this world more than snakes.  It is a genuine fear and I will knock over old people and babies to save myself.


As you can see, the relationship endured.  But barely.